Are the Mario Brothers Terrorists?

It should be easy to picture the scenario. Two stalwart heroes set out on a magical journey to save a beloved princess, kidnapped by a spurned, giant fire-breathing turtle. They run at full speed, collecting all the money and eating all the fungi and plants they find; slaughtering all that stand against them.

The story of the Mario games are simple, but let us consider for a moment what's really happening here. Princess Peach gets kidnapped what, every couple of weeks? Is she really so helpless? Well, she can fly. Also, she is far smarter than Bowser as shown in the Paper Mario games. How does she keep getting kidnapped? I would suggest that for an answer we examine her relationship to Bowser. Bowser is hopelessly in love with Peach. Apparently this is why he keeps kidnapping her. Now seems like a good time to mention that Bowser's son, Bowser Jr... calls... Princess Peach... Mom.

In Super Mario Sunshine, Bowser Jr. admits that he knows that Peach isn't his mother, but it is highly suspicious that he has been calling her Mom for so many years.

Speaking of the royal family, where is King Toadstool? He was there in Super Mario 3, but that was all a play (maybe). The only king to be seen in either kingdom (the Mushroom kingdom and the Koopa kingdom) is Bowser. Neither Mario nor Luigi are kings, they're both common plumbers. Is it possible that Bowser is the rightful king of both kingdoms? Married to Peach who turned to a common plumber to murder the king (over and over again)? Imagine Peach giving a subversive speech about how the koopa menace with their filthy goomba cronies must be expelled, making the land safe for the people (and toads) to thrive. It's a koopa cleansing and who better to lead the slaughter and wash away the evidence than her secret lover and plumber on the side Mario (Luigi is there too, presumably to try and make nice with Daisy)?

Mario has a history of this suspect behavior. Consider the case of a man, matching his description operating under the obvious pseudonym, "Jumpman." You know this tale, now let's look at the other side. A hapless ape named Donkey Kong and his damsel Pauline (the girl in the original Donkey Kong's name is Pauline) climb to the top of some scaffolding for a midnight picnic. The interspecies nature of their relationship is immaterial, the Mushroom kingdom has different standards you know? When suddenly, a marauding maniac wielding a hammer races up the scaffold, bent on absconding with Pauline in a racist rage. The previously gentle giant desperately hurls barrels at the offender in a feeble attempt to save his lady. Having failed miserably, he spends the next few decades wallowing in awesomely obscure jungles.

Look at Donkey Kong. Does he look angry or scared?

I'm not saying that any of this is true. In fact, I'm almost certainly reading way too much into this. All I'm saying is, look a little closer... into his eyes... the eyes of a maniac. And Peach? Oh Peach, you're not fooling anyone.

Review Slice: Halo Reach's Forge Mode

He looks guilty to me.

Halo: Reach sure delivers the goods. A robust story mode (as extolled by my homey Scott Kieffer over at That Gaming Site); an outrageously fun multiplayer offering; and to top it all off, an extensive level editor.

In the above mentioned level editor, known as Forge Mode, you embody the Guilty Spark of Halo 3 fame (whom I erroneously thought was named Silent Cartographer which was odd as he was not at all silent) and make your way around an enormous series of islands, building pretty much anything your heart desires. You are given a huge portion of the pre-built assets from the game proper, so all you have to worry about is where to put the sand bags instead of having to actually make/texture/map/code weight etc.

The suite also has smaller elements for a more customized space if that's what you really want, though the pieces come in standardized sizes and figuring out how to change that is a real pain.

Where Forge Mode really shines though is the allowance of co-op. That's right, you can build stuff with a friend. Let him jump off your ramp and see if he dies. Have him fill the room with guns while you go build another bunker. One would never really think about it, but it's far easier and more fun to be creative when you have someone to help you.

If all of these positive aspects seem too good to be true, that may be because they sort of are. A major caveat to the mode is also Halo's biggest feature. The Xbox 360 controller, as shooter-friendly as it is, is just awful for the type of precision something like Forge Mode requires. The limited amount of buttons means that all of the assets and options have to be accessed through menus and since nearly every button is already in use, some useful commands simply aren't available. Most notable is the inability to create objects inside a structure. Since your cursor has to be pointing at the sky in order to enable the context sensitive creation menu, everything you want to be in a room had better be there before you put a roof on the place. It's a gripe about something I'm sure was insurmountable from a design perspective, but it would have been nice to be able to use a mouse and keyboard.

Overall, Forge Mode is an excellent addition to what is almost surely an excellent game. Alone it may not be worth $60, but if you already have the game, you should try it out with a friend. If you're on the fence, get off the fence and hop on Forge Mode. Upload your horrible map and let people play it. Or just make fun of other people's maps that are all just penises.

Metroid: Other M: Review

When it was revealed that the guys who made Ninja Gaiden and Dead or Alive (including all of the Beach Volleyball iterations) would be making a Metroid game, the gamersphere erupted, and rightly so. What a worrying proposition right? Samus with breast physics? Ridley spraying blood all around the room? Thankfully none of this happens in Metroid: Other M. What we have instead is classic Metroid with a twist (read: a bunch of twists).

Metroid: Other M stands as one of two rare attempts (including Metroid: Zero Mission) to inject some semblance of story into the Metroid universe. The story has typically been pretty simplistic. Metroids kill things, space pirates want the Metroids to do pirate things (presumably with eye-patches), Samus has a gun on her arm. Other M endows Samus with tons of character development, something we haven't seen in her before. Apparently with good reason. Other M tells the story of why Samus, being a solitary bounty hunter (who to date has collected apparently no bounties) is always so keen on helping the Galactic Federation. In the process she comes off as highly feminine (to the extent of wearing high-heels in the Zero Suit for some reason). It's totally different than I (and thus, by proxy, you) expected Samus to be, but honestly it's kind of cool to see a heroine who is also a girl. Unfortunately, this leads her to periodically stopping to tell you about how sad things make her. It's humanizing, but it's annoying. The rest of the story is ham fisted and decidedly Japanese which, depending how you feel about anime, is either silly or good. Using Super Metroid as a jump-off is a good decision though as it leads to some truly harrowing cinematics.

Above: Samus is totally sad.

The cgi movies on the other hand are beautiful and action packed. If all that humanizing left you wondering if Samus was a powderpuff, her cg antics flipping around and killing everything will leave little doubt. Samus is hardcore. If you still need convincing, the in-game action will sell you. The control is a bit strange with you holding the Wii Remote sideways (like New Super Mario Bros.) and controlling Samus in 3-D space with the D-pad. It takes a while to get used to, but eventually it feels like second nature. Missiles and free-look are handled by pointing the Wii Remote at the screen. The missiles/free-look mechanic sounds like it would be awesome, but the Wii Remote it far too imprecise and slow moving to do what it is really supposed to. Thankfully, the generous auto-aim in the regular side-scroll mode enables you to shoot the crap out of everything effectively, stunning bigger enemies for the missile coup-de-grace.

The game is actually a pretty good mix of side-scroll, first-person action (although you are stationary in first-person, which is annoying), and even some over-the-shoulder stuff. Not all of this works that well, but none of it is game ruiningly bad. Being such a mix allows for many long absent suit-upgrades make a welcome return. Bafflingly though, Samus the independent bounty hunter agrees not to use much of the suit until her ex-boss/father-figure says so. For some things it makes sense (power-bombs may kill survivors so, duh), but for some things it makes no sense. Hey Adam, I'm standing in lava and dying, do you mind if I turn on my heat-resistant suit? Pfft. People keep saying this makes more sense than Samus finding these upgrades each time, but it clearly doesn't.

Altogether though, Other M is a welcome addition to the Metroid timeline (occurring after Super Metroid which was the final game in the timeline). Team Ninja (despite Samus having comically huge breasts, high-heels, and the voice of a fifteen year old girl) added some awesome flavor to the series and took risks that mostly paid off.

This is a Metroid. It wants to kill you.

If you're on the fence about Other M, get off the fence (and clean off those shoe prints) and go buy it. It's $50. It'll be 10-15 hours well spent. And if you get stuck, look up, it's not bad game design, you're just being stupid.

Just Cause 2: Review

Just Cause 2 follows what can only be described as the first Just Cause (I'm really running out of ways to introduce sequels, fast). I'd like to preface by saying that the first Just Cause was not very good. I may even say it was downright bad. Besides looking pretty, it was so off-putting as to almost warrant its own retro-review.

The second game however came in to say it was sorry and it'll never do it again. If you've seen any of the outlandish stunts that take place in the commercials and videos of the game and wondered if you've already seen the best parts. You should know that those were only the best parts if you are not very creative. While the bulk of the environment is not too terribly destructible, pretty much everything can participate in some kind of explosion. There is rarely a moment in which you wish something would explode and it doesn't. Stuff even explodes when you've had nothing to do with it. Sweet.

And while the explosions themselves don't really look that great (there are moments that you can actually see the triangles that the fire is made from (yeah, 3D fire and explosions are all made of triangles)), everything else is phenomenal. The islands of the fictional south Asian country of Panau are huge and you can explore all of it. There's towns, mountains with snow, deserts, the whole gamut. And it's all believably far enough apart. From one corner of the map to the other is easily 20km. That's really far, especially for everything in between to be accessible.

Now you may be wondering, "Ja'far, you handsome man of color; how does one traverse all that real estate?" The answer is, with planes, boats, cars, an endless supply of parachutes... and a tether. You can tether just about anything and use it to pull yourself around both on land and when parachuting off of something. The tether itself is perhaps one of the most versatile tools in recent videogame history and most of the fun of the game comes from tethering one thing to another thing and watching hilarity ensue. You can tether a dude to a car and drag him. Tether a dude to a gas tank and fire him off into space (or around the room with hilarious results). Tether a dude to another dude and so on. The tethering possibilities are endless. Tether.

All this tethering and parachuting does come at the cost of accessible controls however, so if complex controls aren't your thing, you will find it hard to do probably half of the best stuff in JC2. You'll still have a good time blowing up all of the government's stuff though, and that's good since that's essentially what the game is actually about.

You will please note the tether.

The story, while being paper thin, is actually somewhat deeper than it lets on. Probably because it waits until the final cutscene to reveal that there are actual undertones to all that tethering and exploding. Even the story being what it is doesn't mar the game as a whole though. What does mar the game is the length. While a good time is to be had with all of the above shenanigans, after about 15 hours, I was looking for the game to end. At that point I felt I had parachuted and tethered to my heart's content. There was however over 10 more hours to go. The fact that there are only 7 actual story missions and the rest of that time is spent on side missions really starts to wear thin. Go here, kill that dude is fun for a while, but why am I on this island again?

Overall though, JC2 is a mega fun game. Is it worth $60? Well, it'll keep you busy for a ton of hours and with the Mercenary Mode you get for completing the story so you can continue your tethering and uh, whatever else it is you do, I'd definitely say so. Is it game of the year? You do know God of War 3 came out this year right?

Played on XBox 360 on Experienced (Hard).

God of War 3: Review

At long last, the much anticipated God of War 3 from Sony's Santa Monica studio comes flaming at your PS3 with the rage of Olympus. As the third game in the series, God of War 3 completes the story of Kratos and his revenge mission against the inhabitants of Mount Olympus.

The story is most definitely a continuation of the previous games so if you haven't played at least the other two games, I suggest grabbing the God of War collection (good thing it's only 30 bucks for two sweet games on one Blu-Ray huh?). There really aren't too many twists to the tale though and if you decide to just jump right into the third you haven't missed much. Long story short, Kratos is mad. Go kill everything.

For those who have played the other games though, there is plenty of fan service to go around. Even if you haven't experienced the past games, if you know a thing or two about Greek mythology, you'll appreciate the accuracy and level of detail that went into crafting this living piece of visual literature. Small touches like Hephaestus being cramped in a cave or the fact that Apollo isn't the one in the chariot (that's apparently Helios) really show the team's effort at placing this new character in the guise of an old story.

Speaking of the level of detail, one would be hard pressed to find a better looking game. Running at a slick 1080P and never stuttering a single frame, even when things got ridiculous (and they do... a lot) the polish and sheer scope of what this game makes the PS3 do sort of makes me wonder if any game in the future could make things feel any bigger. Some of the characters in this game that actively move as you move and parts of which are clearly visible are larger than the entirety of some games. The redesigned enemies offer a refreshing take on the series mainstays as well with minotaurs looking more like bulls, gorgons looking more like snakes and so on.

The only issue I have with the visuals also has to do with the camera. The camera is totally computer controlled, freeing up the right stick for rolling around like you're on fire. The good part is that the camera pretty much stays where the action is, while showing off the amazing backgrounds and architecture. The bad part is that some of the environments don't actually contain any aforementioned action, but are still important (and pretty). At these areas there are scenic overlooks that let you stop and watch bodies fall into hades or look at the tornadoes in tartarus. Perhaps this was the best way to present these scenes, but it really feels like someone was just like, they should see this too.

The control is tighter than ever with new sound design making chains sound and thus feel more chainy and transitions between sweet spin-around-and-kill-everybody moves and smash-that-guy's-face-off moves looking less video gamey and more realistic (in a fantasy sort of way) without sacrificing gameplay. The magic leaves something to be desired and feels really underpowered as compared with previous games. I think the only times I used the magic (besides when it was required) was just to see what it was about. That's too bad since magic was my primary tool in the other games.

If you're looking for some good old fashioned, outrageously fun gameplay with a story that at least keeps your interest during the cutscenes, or if you just always kind of wanted to put your thumbs into Poseidon's eye sockets, God of War 3 is the game you need.

PS3 exclusive. Played on Hard.

Battlefield: Bad Company 2 Review

Battlefield: Bad Company 2 is developer DICE's second try at bringing Battlefield to consoles after making the series a smashing success on PC. The first game in the Bad Company series introduced us to our heroes (the men of Bad Company if you can believe it) and introduced us to the amazing procedural damage engine known as the Frostbite Engine. The first game came off as little more then a tech demo as the already paper thin story was marred by the stereotypical cast of relatively unlikeables.

The second one however is looking to take the crown from Modern Warfare and it makes no bones about it. This sort of video game rivalry hasn't been seen since the days when "Sega does what Ninten-don't," was the mantra. BC2 picks up almost exactly where the first BC left off with our heroes stranded, wondering what to do next. Thankfully the writers over at DICE know what to do and the story that unfolds comes off as actually pretty good (for the type of game it is).

While the game itself does fine at standing on its own merits, the reliance on everyone having played Modern Warfare 2 for a lot of the fan factor sort of leaves me with a weird feeling. It's one thing for a dev to make little fan-service nods across a couple of games, it just seems weird to me when game characters are taking pot shots at the competing series ("They'll just send in some pussy ass Special Ops with heartbeat sensors on their guns!"). Having said that, I must comment that I think the story in BC2 was far better especially as a sequel than that of MW2, if for no other reason than it flowed properly with a beginning, middle, and end. Although the ending (spoiler-free) does suffer from a bad case of Halo 2 syndrome in that it seemingly comes in to interrupt the good part. As always, I consider that cheap and poor form.

The gameplay itself is pretty standard shooter fare with the addition of the aforementioned Frostbite Engine adding a whole new dynamic to the battlescape. It really adds to the mayhem of a big battle when you can't really just duck and hide to reload and expect your cover to stay there the whole time. Sure this leads to a lot of deaths, but I think it's worth the added realism. It kind of saddens me though that there are still some parts right in your path that are indestructible. Some amount of indestructibility is to be expected, but at times it just got ridiculous. At one point I was told to use explosives to make a path and after wasting a bunch of grenades and rockets, I discovered that the explosives they were talking about were a stack of barrels that I could just shoot. Still, the engine more than pulls its weight and makes for a really nice selling point.

I can't help but feel that the game could have gone through QA a little longer though. There were some really weird bugs that weren't game breaking, but really off-putting. There were times when the squad would stop and talk about really off-topic things and the quality of voice acting would suddenly shoot up. My guess is that whatever caused the guys to get stuck also triggered some cut dialog. That, or those parts are supposed to be that way. There was one genuine bug though in which the members of the BC squad simply weren't present in a video in which they were talking and interacting with other people. Again, things continued as if nothing had happened, but the damage was done.

I know that many of you readers will want to hear all about the multiplayer, but I fear I may not be one who could adequately review that part. The reason is that I've become convinced that there must be a bunch of it that I'm missing. For a game looking to take the top spot, there can't possibly be so little to the multiplayer. Sure the modes are fun, but are there really only four of them? Also out of the five or six times I've tried the multiplayer, I have only seen two maps. Where are all the maps? I'll keep dying my way through that for a while and if I strike gold, perhaps I'll review that part separately.

Does Battlefield: Bad Company 2 take the crown as top war shooter? For single player, I'd say so. Even some areas of multiplayer are better. And especially given the tenuous state of the competitor, I think we may have a new champion.

Is it a good game? Yeah, it's good stuff. Go get it. And stay frosty (yeah, they say that too).

Played on Xbox 360 on Hard.

Heavy Rain: Review

So Quantic Dream showed a tech demo a few years back. They said they're making a game and it's going to look like that. We all said no way. In truth the game itself doesn't look like the tech demo. Somehow it's way better looking. Heavy Rain's main draw is that it is essentially a video game in cop drama movie clothing, or is it vice versa?

The game centers around four playable characters on the hunt for the serial killer known as the Origami Killer. Said killer has been killing little boys you see, and that's bad. In fact, said killer has been drowning them. Wanna know in what? Probably rain. The story itself is rock solid in its roller coaster, whodunit style that was the hallmark of really good cop flicks. It's a story that will keep you guessing until the end as the red herrings swim all around and the ending is never telegraphed (though I am really bad at mysteries).

The Dad of the newest missing son jumps through these crazy hoops to answer the games tagline question, "How far would you go to save someone you love?" All the while giving a believable performance as someone who has nothing else to lose and his (now) only son to re-gain.

The private investigator rough and tumbles his way around the city working all the leads and busting a few heads along the way. All the while keeping his asthma inhaler at the ready lest a flare up take the big man down.

The girl finds herself caught up in this whole mess and gets sucked further and further into the drama, losing more sleep than her insomnia already took.

And the doped up FBI agent with the aid of some sweet future glasses (the game takes place next year you know) and one of those Dirty Harry cops plies his Federal law trade up and down the block.

All these fine folks are some of the most human characters in video games to date and each has their own unique personality that is felt in every move they make and everything they say.

That's where the games troubles pop up however as the game does take place in an unnamed east coast, US city (with subways and a building that looks suspiciously like the Chrysler Building). Why does everyone in New York--I mean unnamed-ville--sound like Europeans with bad American accents? Because they are. It's a bit jarring to get into an involved scene and get sidetracked thinking about if that's how you say that word. It's not game breaking, but it is weird.

What is sort of game breaking is the control scheme. I get that we are trying something different, but there's a reason why nearly all games use the sticks for movement. Holding R2 to walk doesn't really work as well as it sounds like it should (which is already not at all). I suppose it could have been made better if the look sensitivity were more consistent though. I can't tell you how many times my incredibly humanesque character looked like an idiot spinning in circles trying to turn a corner.

The rest of the controls play off well, which is nice since the game is essentially all quick time events. The presentation of the button presses sometimes gets sort of muddled up in the scenery, but I'm of the impression that the alternative was worth forgoing. I'm glad the buttons don't just pop up in random spots on the screen. This also affords neat analogs to the on screen action which range from brushing your teeth to climbing out of sinking cars.

Heavy Rain isn't a game for everyone. I for one am inclined to say that Quantic Dream's last game, Indigo Prophesy was better. But for anyone who liked that game, likes a good mystery, believes games may not be just for kids. Go buy Heavy Rain.

PS3 Exclusive. Beat on the hardest difficulty.

Bioshock 2: Review

So many sequels, so little time. Bioshock 2 is (surprisingly enough) the follow-up to the materialist culture shock that was 2007's Bioshock, which in turn was a spiritual successor to a PC game that I had never heard of called System Shock 2. Got it?

Bioshock 2 returns us to Andrew Ryan's submarine utopia ten years after the events of the first game. This time though instead of a hapless jet-setter/plane crash victim, you are one of the Big Daddies you hunted in the first game. This introduces some new play mechanics as you get to now wield that kick-ass drill that the Big Daddies liked to push through you first time around and you get to find out why Rosie seemed to have such a blast nailing you with rivets. And it is fun.

Being of course a special Big Daddy comes with its perks like being able to use plasmids. Few things are more fun than filling a room with bees and setting splicers on fire when they try to run for it, I'm just saying.

The original story introduced us to the idea that perhaps Randian objectivism isn't the best option for setting life goals as the purely objectivist dream of (I suppose) billionaire Andrew Ryan, the underwater city of Rapture tore itself apart over things like working class rights, the desire (and some (including me) say need) for religion and simple greed. The story of the sequel continues this observation and introduces us to discussions of free will and what constitutes it, and what truly is the meaning of utopia? In some ways it seems simpler and less impactful than the former's story, but it is still thought provoking. The focus this time seems more on the characters themselves than on the city and this is displayed by there being actually quite a few non-splicers milling about nowadays. Most notable being neoantagonist Sofia Lamb who, for whatever reason had the notion to rebuild Rapture into her version of utopia. Chaos ensues, there is fire and bees everywhere, it's a good time. There aren't really any crazy twists in the story this time which is actually a pretty major relief after that whole Modern Warfare 2 fiasco, but the story does manage to stay interesting throughout the fifteen or so hours you'll spend stomping around in wet boots.

The little sisters also return and the bulk of the games choices once again surround whether you'll harvest them for tons of Adam all at once (a process that kills them (you monster)) or rescue them, netting you less Adam (initially), but turning them back into little girls. The dynamic surrounding them is different this time though. Whereas before you found them, killed the Big Daddy, than made the call; this time you can adopt her and take her to find you an Adam filled corpse. Since Adam is the substance that essentially caused the fall of Rapture, as soon as you set the Little Sister to her task, every splicer in town makes a play. These moments definitely add to the difficulty and tension, but I suppose it serves to illustrate the question, how far will you go for Adam?

So if you're the Big Daddy now, who do you have to look out for? Big Sister, that's who. The Big Sisters are Sofia Lamb's answer to you and every so often they make that known by showing up and making you waste all the ammo you've been hording up until then. The fights with them are some of the most intense in the game as they flip around and generally beat the crap out of you and have an incredible tolerance for bullets (and bees). The trouble is that after about the second time you fight one, you know when she's coming so you are totally prepared. It takes a lot of the mystery out of it, but the effect is only somewhat diminished. She's still tough.

A few issues from the last game have been addressed in this new outing, but somehow they don't feel like real improvements so me. There have been lots of complaints about the loss of the ability to backtrack in the game, but personally, I never wanted to backtrack anyway. One change that was welcome was the ability to turn off the Vita-Chambers which instantly respawn you if you die. I never actually turned them off because this game is a pretty good challenge with them on, but I like the option.

There is also technically a lot more water in this game, which is good for a game about a failed underwater city. I say technically because the parts in which you are walking around in the water feel really tacked on and unnecessary. It seems almost like they didn't get around to making those parts until it was nearly too late and they didn't really get to do the idea justice. Perhaps the underwater splicers illustrated in the Special Edition art book is evidence of this. Whatever the case, it was a good idea that didn't go where it should have.

Overall, I must again say that if you didn't like the first game, you probably won't like this one either. It really doesn't feel revolutionary. Having said that, it does feel like a natural extension of what Bioshock brought us in 2007. It's an outrageously fun game. If you like philosophy, art deco, bees, go get this game. It's not an ultra fast paced war game and for the ones looking for a straight up shooter, you may want to look elsewhere, but for those who want more proof that games are in fact art, Bioshock 2 is it.

Played on Xbox 360 on Hard.

Mass Effect 2: Review

Remember how random nerds and some fat guy on TV used to talk over the finer points of Star Wars (and no, in fact Greedo shot first)? We can now rightly consider the throne two-thirds usurped.

Mass Effect 2 is the epic sequel to Bioware's epic 2007 sci-fi odyssey Mass Effect (if you can believe it). What sets it apart from other sequels is that it picks up two years after you left off. To clarify, everything you did in Mass Effect, from seemingly banal choices, to main character deaths, to the look of your Commander Shepard are all transferred to Mass Effect 2. Genius.

That being said, I would find it a hard sell for one who skipped the first game to get into this one. For all the subtleties that crop up from time to time in ME2, probably 70% or so would be lost on those with no context. Good thing the first game is only $20 now huh? I'm not sure if people from the last game still send you messages about how you saved them (I tend to save lots of people), but if they did, that would only make it more confusing.

The menus have been greatly simplified, much to the joy of people who hate the micromanagement that is a signature of JRPGs (Japanese Role Playing Games). Gone are the hours spent finding out who can use what and if they'll need it for this mission, and am I bringing him anyway, and so on... for hours. While the simplified menu is appreciated, at times it seems a little overly simple, almost to the point of seeming trivial. I think I may have changed weapons four times in my entire 30+ hour stint in the ME2 universe. Something so simple could probably have been mapped to buttons or something.

The battle system however has seen only improvements as ME2 takes queues from third person shooters with the requisite cover system to boot. That battles are pretty fast and furious all the while feeling less like Final Fantasy and Star Wars and more like a damned gun battle in space should entice some non-sci-fi fans into space.

The game really shines with the return of the moral system that Bioware is now quite famous for. Whether male or female, Commander Shepard comes off exactly as you'd want someone you're making decisions for to. The voice acting is definitely top notch and the character animations really work to sell the emotions.

There's really little else to say about Mass Effect 2 except that if you haven't played it yet, you're slacking. Get to it. And if you'd like to engage in Star Wars quality nerd talk about the budding Mass Effect universe, come see me.

Played on Xbox 360 on hard.

The Saboteur: Review

Hey, a World War II game! Don't lose interest just yet though, The Saboteur is definitely of a different sort than we're used to on this subject.

The game is actually less about the war than it is a simple revenge mission for protagonist Sean Devlin. You see, Sean is an Irishman who fixes and races cars for an Italian guy and hangs out with a couple of French people; did you get all that? Now some Nazi guy seems to think Sean and his French friend are spies for the British and ends up shooting Jule (the French guy). Understandably mad, Sean decides to kill all the Nazis.

The game's story is almost action movie simplistic and it never really tries too hard to be anything more, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. The presentation more than makes up for the lacking story, though it may seem to be spread a bit thick. Taking place mainly in Paris with other parts in small chunks of Germany and some other undisclosed place that I assume is Ireland, the game is first presented largely in black and white. The Nazis have drained all the local color and spirit. It's certainly very stylish, though it serves to contrast with the color you see later on. After you complete some major missions the region experiences an explosion of color with neat effect, though in color the city sort of looks boring. The environment is still interesting though as the people believably populate the city along with the occupying Nazis who will periodically beat up or shoot civilians (Nazis are kind of jerks remember?).

In order to effect these neato color effects and Nazi killing, Sean moves "deftly" about the rooftops of the city. I quote "deftly" because this free running mechanics feels utterly broken. For some reason Sean's climbing ability is linked to madly tapping the A button and in so doing he will climb in seemingly random directions. Poor form, especially right after Assassin's Creed 2. Even when mashing the button, the mechanic doesn't seem to work all the time and there are numerous times when a quick getaway is needed that Sean will simply decide against climbing up the damned rail! Climb! Go you bastard! Maybe the mechanic is hackneyed by the overly slow animations, but it could have been done better.

The stealth mechanic works much better however and it feels genuinely cool to sneak up on a bad guy and punch his head to death so you can take his clothes. Just like in Hitman, it's a good thing all the bad guys wear the same size as the hero. Being in disguise is really helpful in a lot of missions and helps to add depth and alternate routes to mission completion that makes the experience more organic. Most of the missions offer tons of ways to complete them.

It also helps that the Nazis aren't all that smart. When shit gets crazy and you have to run for it to one of the provided hiding spots, so long as a Nazi isn't looking directly at you they'll forget about you. I don't remember hearing that Nazis couldn't see people who were peeing in notice board posts, but that's okay it's at least funny.

Some of the glitches are not as funny however, and the game is pretty buggy. Some bugs are to be expected in a game this large, but there are far too many to excuse, unless floating Nazis and two-headed Nazis that spawned into each other are intentional. Ugh. There are even a few times that easily get you stuck in geometry that may force you to blow yourself up.

Probably the most fun you'll have though is blowing up things. Sean keeps a whole bunch of bombs on him at all time which you use to blast sniper towers, fuel depots, tanks, and all sorts of other Nazi property. The cool thing is that if you blow up enough stuff, there are fewer Nazis around making escapes a lot easier. This is a very cool mechanic that should absolutely be copied.

Lastly, one thing that bothered me about the whole thing is the language in the game. Not the foul stuff, that's okay, but the language in general. The game is all in English (except for incidental German screaming) which is understandable, but which language are they speaking? It should be French, but the Germans understand them. It could be German, but the French don't all speak German. It couldn't be English because it takes place in France. Perhaps I'm just nitpicky, but I like stuff like that to be explained.

The Saboteur is a good game overall. It probably wouldn't win any awards, but it has some good ideas that I hope will garner it a sequel. It also has some troubles that need to be addressed before a sequel would be worth shelling out $60 for. If you are dying in this mini-game drought, pick up The Saboteur, you'll like it.

Assassin's Creed 2 Review

The first Assassin's Creed brought us a whole slew of gameplay innovations, but the sad fact of it is that the game itself was overlooked or disliked by many.

Thankfully though, the game was made by Ubisoft and they have a nice little reputation for taking fan grumblings and turning them into gold.

The story continues on where the first left off with protagonist Desmond Miles and his new Assassin friends making an escape out of Obstergo (the evil company run by the evil Templars). Remember the modern parts of the first game where you could either walk slowly or slightly less slow? Now Desmond can punch up fools!

Ezio DeFiorenze is the main star of the show this time though, having left our more ancient ancestor Altiar behind. Taking place mostly in renaissance Italy, AC 2 adds a few totally new elements to the Creed. The addition of swimming is definitely fitting with the setting and a natural progression, though I can't help but feel that it either could have been fleshed out a bit more or left out entirely. I won't complain too much with how many ninjas in other games can't swim at all.

For all the flying that goes on in the trailers, there is precious little of this actually in the game. Good thing too, the controls for the glider and indeed the mission structure itself really felt hackneyed and tacked on.

Though for all the minor complaints, Assassin's Creed II does a lot more right than wrong. The free running is back in full force with all the runny, jumpy, climby we've come accept if not love. The animations for it are silky smooth too, easily transitioning from one move to the next without skipping a beat. There will still be the odd moment where Ezio will decide he'd rather fall 3 stories to his death than grab the damned ledge, but most errors like that can be chalked up to user error.

The monotony of the previous game has been largely erased with mission structure being less structured with things you must do. This however sort of forces the story to be told through more cutscenes than before, which isn't necessarily bad, but there is something to be said for organic story presentation.

One of the best new additions to the game though is the fact that all the collectibles now actually do something when you get them. They also mostly tie into the story in some way, giving the most time conscious gamers something to sidetrack to for a bit.

The new economy system is worth mentioning. While it's easy to see where the idea was going, one can't help but feel that this system never quite made it. The game tries to emphasize customization, but who is really going to buy anything after they can just get the strongest weapon? Also, about half way through the game, you pretty much have money coming out of your ears, effectively breaking the economy idea anyway. It's nice to feel rich, but it strips away motivation.

Altogether though, Ubisoft really did well with the improvements so the series. If you hated the first Assassin's Creed, this one probably won't make a believer out of you, but if you sort of enjoyed the first, the second is a must.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 Review

Modern Warfare 2 is the follow-up to Infinity Ward's seminal Modern Warfare of two years ago. Coming hot on the heels of Activision developed World at War, Modern Warfare 2 brings us back to the future for some more of that soapy sneaky shooting action we loved back in the day.

The first Modern Warfare was a hard act to follow as evidenced by the lukewarm reception of World at War. Who better to do it than Infinity Ward? Following a great act doesn't necessarily mean improving upon it however.

The story of MW2 is quite convoluted and outrageously hard to follow, especially if you didn't play the first story. While the first one made good use of the disparate characters to tell one cohesive story, this time it seems that IW tried to tell three different stories at once. Sure they all sort of tie in, but not in any sort of way that's easy to care about. Also there are some scenes that feel as if they were just put there to try and one-up MW which just leaves you wondering why that happened.

The gameplay is far more intense than the predecessor and the scripted events really help to sell the desperation of the various situations. There always seemed to be something going on at which I wanted to look. Control is tight and immediately familiar making providing the double edge of making the game feel like an extension rather than a sequel.

For most though, all the shine is coming from the multiplayer. This stands as the biggest change to the game. CoD4 and World at War vets will find all the modes immediately accessible and familiar while glorying in the new perks and a larger variety of kill everyone, grab the thing modes. A welcome newcomer is the Spec Ops mode where you and a friend cooperatively complete some mission ripped from the game. It's quite fun to go through an area with a friend that you took solo the first time around and see how your friends go about laying waste to everything wearing red.

Overall, I'm a bit disappointed by the heavy-handedness of the story mode and would have preferred a more natural story flow. Also, it seems weird to me that about half-way through the story *MILD SPOILER* a different bad guy pops up and suddenly everyone is no longer mad at the original bad guy. And no one seems interested in him anymore. *SPOILER OVER* Situations like that that are clear sequel setups anger me.

The multiplayer is something that even the most jaded players can enjoy though, providing some decent justification for the rest of the box.

If I had to give it a number, I think I'd say 8.5ish.

Played on Xbox 360. Beat story mode on Hardened difficulty.

Post Apocalyptia is the New World War II

It had occurred to me rather recently that with development houses (with the exception being Activision) that World War II is beginning to fall by the way-side. Not a moment too soon I might add. At a certain point one begins to think that, although the Nazis are pretty much universally considered evil, after 15 years of nonstop, save France; blow up the U-Boat; can I really force myself to care about the fate of Marseilles when people are trying to convince me to be frightened by nukes people are pointing at me now?

This line of thought is not lost on the development community however as WWII seems to be getting systematically replaced with the future remnants of WWIII. As much as I enjoy the idea of nuclear warfare, until the clock really strikes I sort of don't want all of my games to be about everything being all destroyed. Sure it affords us opportunities to shoot mutants (and sometimes the Nazi zombie as if we hadn't had enough living ones), but I'm starting to think there could be more creative excuses for why that dog is bigger than me.

Having said all that, I have to concede that there aren't really that many scenarios that lend themselves to video games well. Modern Warfare, as fantastic as it is, only escaped public outcry because it called Iraq something different (Autostrad if you're interested). Remember Seven Days in Fallujah? What about Superman Returns? (I didn't mean to bring that one up. Don't be mad.) The point is that if we're not in space (New Mumbasa counts), or in hell, the only place we can go and shoot up some shit is post-apocalyptia.

If you'd like my opinion (and I know you do) video games will be stuck in these places until developers stop listening to Glen Beck and start listening to their own artistic inner selves. If you think Fallujah makes a good setting, make that game. I'll probably buy it just because there aren't any Nazis (and as it turns out no nukes either).

Paranormal Activity: Review

It's tough to watch a movie and not know who to root for. Paranormal Activity's style is definitely appealing to the Blair Witch, Cloverfield crowd (of which I am), but where those movies do things like pick up near the middle or are interesting, Paranormal Activity falls quite flat.

The story is told through the camera of the boyfriend of the haunted girl. Throughout the movie Micah (the boyfriend) continually makes himself as unlikable as possible as a vehicle to 'antagonize' the evil ghost-demon thing. The story itself is relatively simple and quite self contained, which is nice, but to my chagrin never really answers questions like why did all of this take two weeks? Why not sleep with the door closed already? Who the hell just has a glass Ouija board lying around?

The movie itself relies on cheap scares that I suppose are genuinely creepy at times, but if while watching the movie you think of a solution to the problem every time the sun rises, you'll understand my frustration.

Overall this movie is not the worst I've ever seen, but I couldn't recommend it unless you are the cheap scare type.

Movie Review: Quantum of Solace

Quantum of Solace owns the distinction of being the only Bond movie that acts as a direct sequel and as such suffers from the syndrome that sequels inevitably suffer from.  While Casino Royale pumped new life into the James Bond mythos by making Bond more human than his predecessors; giving him realistic motivations for doing what he does; and stripping him of his outrageously unrealistic gadgets, Quantam of Solace was clearly a shameless attempt at cashing in the 007 moniker rather than continuing excellence.

Don't get me wrong, Quantum of Solace wasn't a bad movie, it just wasn't a Bond movie.  I like action scenes as much as the next guy, but calling John McClain (the hero of Die Hard) James Bond and sending him to exotic locales doesn't qualify the movie as a Bond film.  The action sequences; as unbelievable as they are; are quite stunning and there are plenty of them to keep the pretty lights crowd entertained, but don't expect things like; enjoyable story; character development; or motivation.

I'd like to reiterate that I did enjoy the movie, but in the way that you enjoy a Jean Claude Van Dam flick at 4 AM on TBS, not in a let's go pay $10 to see the new Bond flick sort of way.  On a side note, who the hell powers their house with unshielded hydrogen fuel cells in the middle of the desert and doesn't include fire resistant compartments?  You'll know what I'm talking about.

The brilliance of Fallout 3

What follows can't rightly be called a review since I have not as yet finished the game (and probably won't for some time), so let's call it a preview to the review.

Fallout 3 takes place in an alternate time-line to our own that branched off sometime during the 1950s.  The year is 2277 and the world has been ravaged by a nuclear war that lasted 2 hours.  Luckily for us, nuclear war doesn't just evaporate everything instantly like it does in real life; instead it just leaved everything in horrible disrepair.  This state of decay is beautifully rendered in Fallout 3 as the visuals in the game perfectly engross you in the Capital Wasteland and produce a believable replica of Washington DC post-Armageddon.

The game is played largely in first person, but you would never confuse this game for a FPS as the focus is clearly on exploration and character development rather than just killing everything.  You'll meet many different denizens of the Wasteland and are totally are at liberty to help them, tell them to fuck off, or just kill them outright.  Be aware that everything you do has consequences though.  Now, I know we've all heard that line before and usually the consequences were you not having as much money or something mundane like that, but the consequences in Fallout 3 are some of the most far reaching yet.  For example in one town, some of the citizens worship a live, unexploded atomic bomb.  You can choose to do nothing with that information, but the other choices are way cooler.  You can choose to disarm the bomb and save the town from eventual evaporation, or you could rig the bomb to explode and make everything all destroyed, leaving a smoking nuclear crater where Megaton once was.

The character development also works quite well in that everything you do or can do is determined by a basic skill set of 7 attributes.  Everything from talking to people and being able to get them to give you info (or just getting told off) to disarming mines (or getting your leg crippled) will be based on how you dole out your skill points at every level.  These attributes are further augmented by Perks that you can choose as you progress.  Perks are basically just enhancements to your basic skills, but some have other applications like Bloody Mess that increases the likelihood of your opponent exploding into... well, a bloody mess.

The few complaints with the game are really an attempt to search for a gripe as opposed to genuine problems, but here they are.  The character animations seem a bit stiff at times, even though the facial expressions accurately convey emotion which puts most characters squarely into the uncanny valley.  There are times when using the VATS (Vault-Tec Assisted Targeting System) that the camera seems to prefer what a wall is doing as opposed to the action, which doesn't really effect game-play, but can be pretty annoying when you're sure something awesome is happening.

Over all though Fallout 3 is one of the best games I've played since Bioshock and for anyone who owns a console (other than Wii) or a PC, consider your life incomplete until you own Fallout 3.